Sunday, 13 March 2011

Mug or Meanie - Getting it right in relationships

I have had another nice day with my other half, on days like today you wonder why you ever fall out, all those disagreements fall away and you start feeling like it is all worth it.  So I got thinking about relationships again - be aware more babble ahead...

I sometimes think that the secret to a good relationship is compromise.  But it is how much to give in, how much you let them take that seems to be the sticking point.

I have friends who are much further down the relationship journey than I am, they are married and have children, and they are unhappy.  They complain about their other halves constantly;  he never listens to me; he only wants to talk when he know's I am watching TV; we never have a conversation; he is so tight, he goes out with his friends all the time, he cares more about football than me ... the list is endless and all too familiar for most women.

The thing is  I only ever hear one side of these situations, I don't know what the husbands and partners have to say in their defence.  However, I am willing to break the laws of sisterhood (while covering my head with my arms and crouching behind the sofa for fear of being attacked by burning bras and the broken chains of female oppression) and will openly admit that sometimes, and I certainly don't mean all the time; when I gripe about my relationship, I can be petty, I do overreact and I am probably occasionally ever so slightly unfair. 

I can hear the voices of women in my head saying: Don't accept his behaviour, grow a backbone, fight back, don't be a mug.  But I am tuning them out as I consider whether we should pick our battles.  Afterall why do we let little things annoy us, causing us to constantly gripe and nag at him.  All it serves to do is make him think we are unreasonable, and when something more than a mere irritation comes along, something we need to discuss and resolve, the impact of our telling them is diluted.  I suppose it is like being the little girl that cried monster when she didn't want to go to bed; we complain when we don't get our own way over the small things, so when something really scary threatens our relationship, they no longer listen to us.

So where do you draw the line between Mug or Meanie? Can you find an acceptable level where you can let the little irritations go (not just stock them up for the next big argument)? Or are there times when you know he is more likely to wind you up, when it might be better to keep out of his way and avoid having conversations about trigger topics ? 

Every relationship is different as is each person in it, I suppose we all have to find our own way of staying 'in' love with the significant other in our lives, and I think sometimes we need to remember that it isn't all their fault, we can make compromises without being a doormat. 

Any men out there, I know you say you don't gossip, but maybe this might also be something you too could consider.  When she isn't always looking her best, if she snaps at you for no reason, when she uses your razer without asking, or she slags off your mum, or begs you to watch something girly on TV is it really necessary to complain about it or hold it against them in the future?  Could you let it go for the sake of continued happiness, could you accept that you don't always have to be right. It won't make you less of a man, I promise, and you might even find you enjoy life together just a bit more.

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