Another week and another 1lb loss. I have lost for 5 weeks in a row now, a miracle for me. I have a long history when it comes to my weight losses and gains, so if you are sitting comfortably I thought I might take a moment to share my story.
I wasn't a fat child, but I was tall for my age, I towered above my friends; I started puberty at 8 had to wear a bra at middle school, this made me hate doing sport in front of people. When the underarm hair started sprouting at age 9 I would do anything to get out of going swimming, I hated being different, I remember once being picked on by some teenagers because I played with babies, I didn't, they were friends from my class.
The lack of exercise combined with comfort eating meant that I started to gain weight in high school, by then other kids were catching up with me, in height and bra size, but the damage to my self esteem had already been done. I never felt I fitted in and used to spend every summer dreaming that I would lose weight, my spots would miraculously disappear and I would go back to school thin, pretty and popular. I started my first diet at 13, well it was more a case of only eating one meal a day. I started calorie counting the year after, I lost a bit of weight but was totally overshadowed in my great unveil by a girl who came back half the size, with a whole new look and bags of confidence. Despite the diets I was pretty much constantly a size 14 I felt fat and uncomfortable especially when my legs would rub together when I walked (I would give my right arm to be that size now, even with the sore legs).
I met my first serious boyfriend when I was 17, we both lived at home with our parents and soon we were eating takeaways two or three times a week, going to the pub on a weekend and generally living as unhealthily as possible, a year later I was a size 16. Not long after that I went through a pretty dark period in my life, to be honest after years of self hatred I finally flipped. I don't have much memory of my eighteenth year, I went from one anti depressant to another and spent most of my time in bed. I turned down all the offers I had for university and avoided thinking about the future. I finally found some medication which let me function, albeit in a flat emotionless way but I was out of bed and could make plans. I made it through my A-levels by some miracle and decided to go an study an art foundation course at another local college, by then I was a large size 16.
I started making some changes to my life during that year, I had art therapy and gradually stopped taking medication as I learnt to deal with my emotions and some of the issues I had been carrying around for years. I also joined a slimming club one with a restrictive calorie controlled diet. I applied to study Art and English at university and for the first time in my life I was happy. I lost weight and by the time I started university I was a size 12. University life is notoriously unhealthy and without sticking to the diet 100% it was no surprise that by the end of the second year I was squeezing into size 16 trousers. I realised I would have to do something about it, in another year I would be graduating and that meant photos, photos that parents would want to put up on the wall, and I was determined not to look fat in them.
I joined Slimming World the first time in May 2002 and I weighed just under 14 stone. The diet was a revelation, I could eat loads and still lose weight. I worked out how to save syns for nights out and new what I could have at the Indian takeaway. The best thing was that I finally realised my dream of coming back visibly thinner from a summer break. By the time I returned for autumn term I had lost 1 stone 9lb's and was getting loads of compliments. By the time I left university I was back down to a size 12, by May 2004 I was at my target weight of 10 stone 2lbs and a size 8/10.
Since then I have gradually gained all the weight back again plus a few more stone, I have rejoined slimming world numerous times, lost half a stone and then quit again, gone back another stone heavier each time. I have been a member at my current group since October 2009 when I rejoined I was 15stone 13, I messed about at it for over a year, but this time I didn't quit and now, I hope, I am finally moving towards my goal again; this time I am only aiming for 11 stone 3lb, that was the weight I was happiest at and one I hope is maintainable.
I am excited to see how the story develops and I hope like all the best stories, that it has a happy ending
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