Friday, 1 April 2011

A 30th First - My First Pop Star Crush

I know it is unbelievable but I have never actually had a crush on a famous person before.  Sure I think some are better looking than others and I told my other half that I fancy Will Smith (you know those early conversations about the people on your 'list' well as I don't do crushes I had to add someone), but other than admiring his physique and acting talent I can't really say I fantasise about him.  I just figured that the fact someone was famous was enough to prevent me having adolescent fantasies about dating, kissing and being madly in love with a pop star or actor.  I mean how completely deluded do you have to be to think that someone like that would ever give you the time of day, and anyway I figured that any famous man would probably have an ego to match his paycheck

However at the grand old age of 30 I have popped the fantasy cherry and have developed a mega crush on Pat Monahan from Train.  Now to be fair there is a passing resemblance between Pat and my boyfriend which may have something to do with my new found fascination.  But I think I finally get what the crush thing is all about, I can imagine that Pat is the great guy he acts out in his videos (that's not to say he is horrible in real life) the sort of perfect boyfriend who sings love songs, wants to marry me, thinks I am great, and as he happens to looks a bit like my other half I can also pretend that they are one and the same ... and well you can see where this is leading. 

I think there is something to be said for fantasies, they make you feel good, for a few moments you can forget that you are fat, fed up and frustrated and believe instead that you are the perfect woman to go with your dream man.  And in fantasies you get exactly what you want, how you want it without any recrimination. I would like to say that my fantasies were downright dirty but to be honest I am a romantic at heart and its more a meeting of minds coupled with his obvious burning desire for me that keeps me up from the land of Nod.

I think you are probably more open to fantasies when real life lets you down, when you believed in something and it didn't turn out how you planned.  I think if real love starts to feel like a fantasy then you might as well believe in fairies and middle aged rockers.

I wonder if I would be having fantasies about random pop stars if I wasn't still living at my parents (it's a long story starting with a broken ankle and ending, hopefully, with a couple of parent type people vacating my home and returning to theirs in France).  If I was at home would my needs be being met, would I be receiving the love I crave or would I still need to find solace in an imaginary relationship.  I guess only time will tell.

Anyway I am off now I have a date with Pat after all...

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