Well it had to be mentioned...

You might have noticed romance has been in the air today, two people not much younger than myself tied the knot in a rather lavish ceremony in London today.  I hadn't expected to be bothered about the Royal Wedding, I have no problem with the Royal family but considering how raw I am about the subject of weddings I had planned to ignore it.

As it happened I decided to sit and watch it, after all there in no excuse like a wedding for a good cry, so while I watched William look adoringly at Catherine and whisper how beautiful she looked, I balled my eyes out.  Luckily I was on my own, the other half was at work, probably a good thing it would have been a rather uncomfortable moment explaining why seeing someone else get married a week after my own cancelled wedding  might just be a little bit upsetting.  Having said that Kate looked stunning as did Pippa and the whole red and gold theme was positively radiant, makes you proud to be British.I just wish I could make someone look at me like that - hmm maybe if I loose about 6 stone and have plastic surgery I will have more luck!!

Good luck Will and Kate the future of romance is riding on you making a go of it x x

In a parallel universe

In a parallel universe where things actually turn out how you plan today would have been my wedding day.  As days go it would have been quite nice, a mild sunny morning a thunderstorm that lasted just long enough for the church service to take place and a warm, dry afternoon with a cool breeze.  I figure it has been pretty much how I imagined it, well without the white dress, church, guests, reception and I do bits.

Tomorrow it will be another day, the wedding that never was will be the past and I will move on.  Saying that, there is no denying the impact someone no longer wanting to marry you has on your life; it leaves a mark on your soul and a dent in your heart.  Realising the life you though you had wasn't real, that things you thought you shared were only in your mind takes some getting your head around, but you manage, you find new things to believe in; yourself and your ability to be who you want without relying on anyone else.

New Slimming World Blog - losingitwithslimmingworld.blogspot.com/

I realised that I was blogging more and more on Slimming World, what with food being such a big part of my life.  This however seemed to be taking me away from the original purpose of the Living My 30th Year, which was to experience more in my life and record it for the world to see.  I don't want to stop talking about Slimming World, it has become a passion - maybe an obsesssion so I have created a new blog and from now on I will usually only be posting Slimming World stuff on the new site. 

So if you are a fellow Slimming World Groupie or just curious what it is all about why not follow my Slimming World Journey at http://losingitwithslimmingworld.blogspot.com/

Slimming World Weigh Day - Results of Challenge Week 7

Another week has passed,  despite a bit of an iffy weekend, I have lost another 1lb.  I am pleased, but this next award is still evading me. The diary challenge ends next Thursday so it would be nice to get my stone and a half as a fitting reward for completing it.   

I am wondering what my next challenge should be, it has definitely helped writing a food diary so I will probably keep it up; this time though I think I need a more definite goal rather than just a pledge to stick to it.  Assuming I get my goal for next week the next award would be for club 10 (for losing 10% of your starting weigh) which is only an additional couple of pounds, whilst at this rate it would probably take me until next year to get there it isn't exactly aiming high.  I could aim for my 2 stone award - realistically at my current weight loss rate that would take another 7 to 8 weeks.  I think that I should aim for doing it in 7 weeks, which would take me to 9 June.  So my next goal starting 28 April is to get my 2 stone award by 9 June 2011.

I went shopping today (Tesco has 25% off all clothing - it would be rude not to), I picked up 5 items in a size 16 without trying them on, got them home and they all fit.  So happy, I haven't worn a size 16 in about 5 years it is the first time since I have been on this diet attempt that I have had to go out and buy a smaller size; I still had size 18's in my wardrobe that I was squishing into when I was really a size 20 so the change between those sizes wasn't really noticable.  Despite the small losses the fact that I could buy clothes in a smaller size means that I am feeling really motivated again, the ounces may be slow to fall but the inches are definitely disappearing.

Results of Slimming World Lent Challenge Week 6

There are good weeks and there are bad ones; unfortunately two weeks of flexible syns have resulted in my first gain, 0.5lbs.  I am disappointed, I didn't go that far over my syns and it isn't like I have lost much for weeks.  I need to think how I can speed up my weight loss. To make it worse; I have been invited out for tea on Saturday, I can't imagine it is going to be low in syns and as flexible syns are not working for me at the moment, so that is another challenge.

Somedays it all seems so hard, having to worry about everything that passes your lips, constantly thinking about food.  Why can't I have been born with a fast metabolism, why did I put on all this weight again, why doesn't everything go the way you plan.

I am slipping into a bad mood so I am going to leave it at that, wish me luck!

30 Day Song Challenge Day 7 a song that reminds you of a certain event and Day 8 a song you know all the words to.

I am a bit rubbish at this, I am keeping to the one a day on Facebook but haven't managed to find enough time to come on here and share. 

Back in May 2004 when I was a size 8/10 I went on holiday with my other half as 'just friends' to attend his best friends wedding (it is a long story, maybe another time). 

The day after we arrived was overcast with a strong breeze that could almost have been classed as windy;  ocassionally the sun would pop out for a minute but mostly it was pretty dull, but we were british and on holiday so what to do but go to the pool area, relax and catch a few of those rare rays. As I layed back to read my book (Jackie Collins, nothing else does it on holiday for me) and listen to Evanesence on my personal CD player I felt my cares drift away.

I must have dozed off because two hours later I woke up feeling hot, tight and sticky. I looked at my other half and noticed he was asleep and very very red - I woke him up and pointed out the damage in return he pointed and laughed at me.  Back inside the apartment I saw the extent of the damage, every bit of exposed skin was bright red, unfortunately I was wearing a cropped bikini top and shorts so I was left with definite stripes.  The other half was even worse being topless and having rolled up his shorts, he had a terrible case of sun stroke and wasn't able to leave the room until late afternoon for another two days. I peeled  like a snake huge strips of skin floated off in the bath and I was covered in blisters. We were lucky the wedding wasn't for another 10 days, by which time we were both a much better shade.

This song takes me right back to those early days...



The second song takes me back much further, as a child I was a huge Carpenters fan, I listened to their album over and over again.  My favourite song was 'rainy days and mondays' even as a child I could relate to the lyrics, and I knew them off by heart.  I can still sing along now.

30 Day Song Challenge Day 4 and 5 - A song that makes you sad and a song that reminds you of someone.

Song 4 is the easiest so far.  I can't help but well up when I hear this song, any Green Day song makes me feel wistful but this one, it seems to talk to me, reflects how I feel about myself, especially when I think about the time I was ill. I love Green Day but this song makes me sad.

Song 5 this one took some thinking about, lots of songs remind me of people, so I am choosing one that reminds me of a friend I lost, someone really great but unfortunately really messed up.  Not sure he would approve of the choice but when I hear it I think of him... so this is for you Danny.

30 Day Song Challenge Day 3 A Song That Makes You Happy- Reef 'Place Your Hands'

Happy memories, being young, jumping around like a loon.  Love it, love it, love it.

My slimming story - results of challenge week 5.

Another week and another 1lb loss. I have lost for 5 weeks in a row now, a miracle for me.  I have a long history when it comes to my weight losses and gains, so if you are sitting comfortably I thought I might take a moment to share my story.

I wasn't a fat child, but I was tall for my age, I towered above my friends; I started puberty at 8 had to wear a bra at middle school,  this made me hate doing sport in front of people. When the underarm hair started sprouting at age 9 I would do anything to get out of going swimming, I hated being different, I remember once being picked on by some teenagers because I played with babies, I didn't, they were friends from my class.

The lack of exercise combined with comfort eating meant that I started to gain weight in high school, by then other kids were catching up with me, in height and bra size, but the damage to my self esteem had already been done.  I never felt I fitted in and used to spend every summer dreaming that I would lose weight, my spots would miraculously disappear and I would go back to school thin, pretty and popular.  I started my first diet at 13, well it was more a case of only eating one meal a day.  I started calorie counting the year after, I lost a bit of weight but was totally overshadowed in my great unveil by a girl who came back half the size, with a whole new look and bags of confidence.  Despite the diets I was pretty much constantly a size 14 I felt fat and uncomfortable especially when my legs would rub together when I walked (I would give my right arm to be that size now, even with the sore legs).

I met my first serious boyfriend when I was 17, we both lived at home with our parents and soon we were eating takeaways two or three times a week, going to the pub on a weekend and generally living as unhealthily as possible, a year later I was a size 16.  Not long after that I went through a pretty dark period in my life, to be honest after years of self hatred I finally flipped.  I don't have much memory of my eighteenth year, I went from one anti depressant to another and spent most of my time in bed. I turned down all the offers I had for university and avoided thinking about the future.  I finally found some medication which let me function, albeit in a flat emotionless way but I was out of bed and could make plans. I made it through my A-levels by some miracle and decided to go an study an art foundation course at another local college, by then I was a large size 16.

I started making some changes to my life during that year, I had art therapy and gradually stopped taking medication as I learnt to deal with my emotions and some of the issues I had been carrying around for years.  I also joined a slimming club one with a restrictive calorie controlled diet. I applied to study Art and English at university and for the first time in my life I was happy. I lost weight and by the time I started university I was a size 12.  University life is notoriously unhealthy and without sticking to the diet 100% it was no surprise that by the end of the second year I was squeezing into size 16 trousers. I realised I would have to do something about it, in another year I would be graduating and that meant photos, photos that parents would want to put up on the wall,  and I was determined not to look fat in them.

I joined Slimming World the first time in May 2002 and I weighed just under 14 stone. The diet was a revelation, I could eat loads and still lose weight. I worked out how to save syns for nights out and new what I could have at the Indian takeaway.  The best thing was that I finally realised my dream of coming back visibly thinner from a summer break. By the time I returned for autumn term I had lost 1 stone 9lb's and was getting loads of compliments.  By the time I left university I was back down to a size 12, by May 2004 I was at my target weight of 10 stone 2lbs and a size 8/10.

Since then I have gradually gained all the weight back again plus a few more stone, I have rejoined slimming world numerous times, lost half a stone and then quit again, gone back another stone heavier each time.  I have been a member at my current group since October 2009 when I rejoined I was 15stone 13, I messed about at it for over a year, but this time I didn't quit and now, I hope, I am finally moving towards my goal again; this time I am only aiming for 11 stone 3lb, that was the weight I was happiest at and one I hope is maintainable.

I am excited to see how the story develops and I hope like all the best stories, that it has a happy ending

30 Day Song Challenge: Day 2 your least favourite song

This one was really hard, there were a lot of contenders.  But just because a song is rubbish doesn't mean it deserves to be given the status of least favourite. 

I considered adding something that made me feel miserable, which takes a lot because I like sad songs.  the Verve 'The Drugs Don't Work' however takes it a bit too far for me. Having said that I can't deny that it is well written and sort of haunting beautiful, no that wasn't the song for today.

I did think about a song that I could associate with a bad memory, I once got so mad at an Ex for saying he fancied the girl out of Aqua when 'Dr Jones' was playing that I through the tape out of the window as we drove down the motorway.  That was his brain, and my jealousy at fault, not the song so it wouldn't be right to add that.

Something, well anything by Celine Dion would have been a good choice; I hate her sickly sweet love songs. But then it struck me, there was a song that I can't even listen to all the way through, that sets my teeth on edge.  A song that other people love, which makes it even more irritating that I don't get it.  Even the video is awful.  I am sure lots of people will disagree but thats OK each to there own, nothing like variety and all that.

So here goes ...

30 Day Song Challenge - Day 1

I noticed a few people were doing this in cyber space so I thought I would too (nowt like jumping on the bandwagon) 

Day 01: Your Favourite Song

Blink 182 - I Miss You (I know I have already posted it on here but needs must). Honestly this is a close one with Crowded House's Distant Sun coming in second, but I listen to this one much more often, and it reminds me of a really great time in my life, always makes me smile.

Anyone else who is new to this challenge here is the rest of the list.  You place one song on each day, in the order below.

day 02 - your least favorite song
day 03 - a song that makes you happy
day 04 - a song that makes you sad
day 05 - a song that reminds you of someone
day 06 - a song that reminds you of somewhere
day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event
day 08 - a song that you know all the words to
day 09 - a song that you can dance to
day 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep
day 11 - a song from your favorite band
day 12 - a song from a band you hate
day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure
day 14 - a song that no one would expect you to love
day 15 - a song that describes you
day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate
day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio
day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio
day 19 - a song from your favorite album
day 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry
day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy
day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad
day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding
day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral
day 25 - a song that makes you laugh
day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument
day 27 - a song that you wish you could play
day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
day 29 - a song from your childhood
day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

Hydrotherapy Ankle Class Session 3

Another week has passed on my journey to recovery.  I have walked lots this week, I'm not talking marathons,but I have been out shopping and when we went out for tea I walked from the car to the restaurant.  Yesterday I drove to the supermarket, it was the first time I had been out in the car on my own for 18 weeks, I was scared but I had to do it, not least because I hadn't got my mum anything for Mother's Day (I am such a bad daughter)!

I am definitely moving more fluidly than I was before I started 'Aqua for Cripples', The limping is only apparent if I try to walk too quickly or if I have been at it for a while.  Regarding pain I have good and bad days but definitely more good than bad now.  I am still using Doris but only because I can't go downstairs without her, I am getting better at it but, I still feel like I am swinging down instead of stepping. I can at least get up stairs with just the rail now .

I have set myself a target to move home on 15 April, this coincidentally happens to be the same day that my other half's parents are planning on returning to France after taking over my house for what will be three months.  I love them and all but I want to move back to experience normality not to feel like an intruder in my own home.

So back to today's class, today's exercises were;

Warm Up

Walk or swim up and down the pool.

Exercise 1

A). At the edge of the pool rise up onto the toes and down (repeat 10 times)
B). At the edge of the pool rise up onto the toes and down and onto the heels (repeat 10 times)

Exercise 2
A).Stand on one leg, cross your other leg over the first leg and touch the pool floor with the outer edge of your foot, repeat with the other leg (repeat 10 times).
B).Stand with your feet slightly apart and shift your weight from one foot to the other putting your weight as far over on your foot as you can do comfortably.

Circuit Training

1). Square kick Float

A).Place float under foot and step to the front with second foot, back to the centre and then behind.
B). Step to the side with one foot then the other.
C).Repeat with opposite foot.
(Repeat for 2 - 5 mins)

2). Small inflatable ring

Place your injured foot in the hole of a small inflatable hoop, push it down in the water and then lift it up using your leg. (Repeat for 2 - 5 minutes)






3). Penny floater/foam football

Put the ball between your legs and rise onto your toes, return to your flat feet and then sqaut down. (Repeat for 2-5 minutes)

4). Flipper

Put a flipper on your injured foot and standing at the edge of the pool slowly lift your leg up and then down in the water, lift your leg as high as you can comfortably before returning.

5). Woggle or Noodle

Sit on the Noodle and float in the pool using your legs like you are cycling.
(continue for 2 - 5 minutes)





6). Move a none floating ball around the bottom pool with your good foot while standing on your injured foot, try to keep control of the ball.

Flexible Syns - because this week I need them!

I went out last night, I tried to be good but on totalling up the syns I seemed to have gone totally off the rails - oops! So for the first time ever (well in the 10 years I have been playing at Slimming World) I am going to give this flexible syn thing a go.

The theory is that every so often we need more than our allotted 105 syns a week, no amount of saving up or cutting down is going to give you enough flexibility for this particular week.  So you set yourself a goal of how many syns you are planning on having in one day, say an extra 30 above your normal allowance, you count them, if it isn't enough you just count some more.  You get to the end of the day write them all down and draw a line under them.  The next day you go back to having your regular allowance of 15 syns of whatever you usually have.

Yesterday I went out to Loch Fyne, I chose really well I thought - a sharing platter which was pretty much all fish.  Moules Provençal, which is mussels with a tomato sauce, and I left most of the sauce. I had one small slice of wholemeal bread and two tiny pieces of white French bread.  Then there was the wine 3 x 175ml glasses hmm 18 syns there; worse still there was the dessert, oh dear chocolate cheesecake with lemon sorbet and a spicy pineapple compote.  OK it was lovely but at approx 21 syns that really pushed up my count.  So adding it all up I had a total of 60.5 syns yesterday.

Best case scenario
I had already had 21 syns so that is 81.5 syns.  I usually have about 30 on a Saturday so I could count 30.5 as flexible syns.  That means I had eaten 51 non flexible syns. I had 29 non flexible syns today so that means I have had 80 non flexible syns and should have 25 non flexible syns left for the rest of the week.

Worse case scenario
I count all 60.5 as flexible syns so I only had 21 non flexible syns plus 29 non flexible syns today which gives me a total of 50 none flexible syns.  leaving me with 55 non flexible syns for the rest of the week.

The idea is not to feel deprived so I suppose it depends how the week goes I can choose to have between 25 and 55 syns and still remain in control.  I will obviously try for the lower amount, but will try not to throw the teddy out if I go closer to the upper amount.

To summarise I either have 105 (plus 30.5 flexible syns) or 105 (plus 60.5 flexible syns) or somewhere in the middle.  Do flexible syns work? We will see on Thursday.

Lovely meal at Loch Fyne and Eating Oysters

Oysters

Finally something ticked off the list.

Fish Sharing Platter

Chocolate Cheesecake, Lemon Sorbet and Spicy Pineapple Compote

So yummy ... all gone!!!

A 30th First - My First Pop Star Crush

I know it is unbelievable but I have never actually had a crush on a famous person before.  Sure I think some are better looking than others and I told my other half that I fancy Will Smith (you know those early conversations about the people on your 'list' well as I don't do crushes I had to add someone), but other than admiring his physique and acting talent I can't really say I fantasise about him.  I just figured that the fact someone was famous was enough to prevent me having adolescent fantasies about dating, kissing and being madly in love with a pop star or actor.  I mean how completely deluded do you have to be to think that someone like that would ever give you the time of day, and anyway I figured that any famous man would probably have an ego to match his paycheck

However at the grand old age of 30 I have popped the fantasy cherry and have developed a mega crush on Pat Monahan from Train.  Now to be fair there is a passing resemblance between Pat and my boyfriend which may have something to do with my new found fascination.  But I think I finally get what the crush thing is all about, I can imagine that Pat is the great guy he acts out in his videos (that's not to say he is horrible in real life) the sort of perfect boyfriend who sings love songs, wants to marry me, thinks I am great, and as he happens to looks a bit like my other half I can also pretend that they are one and the same ... and well you can see where this is leading. 

I think there is something to be said for fantasies, they make you feel good, for a few moments you can forget that you are fat, fed up and frustrated and believe instead that you are the perfect woman to go with your dream man.  And in fantasies you get exactly what you want, how you want it without any recrimination. I would like to say that my fantasies were downright dirty but to be honest I am a romantic at heart and its more a meeting of minds coupled with his obvious burning desire for me that keeps me up from the land of Nod.

I think you are probably more open to fantasies when real life lets you down, when you believed in something and it didn't turn out how you planned.  I think if real love starts to feel like a fantasy then you might as well believe in fairies and middle aged rockers.

I wonder if I would be having fantasies about random pop stars if I wasn't still living at my parents (it's a long story starting with a broken ankle and ending, hopefully, with a couple of parent type people vacating my home and returning to theirs in France).  If I was at home would my needs be being met, would I be receiving the love I crave or would I still need to find solace in an imaginary relationship.  I guess only time will tell.

Anyway I am off now I have a date with Pat after all...