Romance will come your way soon.

I don't hold much by the hocus pocus of fortune telling and other future predictors, lets face it they are usually so vague you could believe anything fitted if you wanted to.  However I don't usually laugh out loud at the irony of a prediction, but when I opened the fortune cookie from the Chinese this evening that was exactly my reaction.  My other half looked a bit hurt when I told him what it said 'Romance will come your way soon', he got over it pretty quickly and came back with 'I don't know, but a cup of tea WILL be coming your way soon.'

We may not have romance, but we have humour!

The word 'romance' has me thinking about those singles adverts you used to see in the newspaper, the would like to meet type, where a man or woman seeks a mate for friendship or 'romance'. From what I remember the adverts generally involved a search for someone within a specific age bracket, with similar interests and most importantly a GSOH (good sense of humour).  Maybe not surprisingly, considering the publication, they never said anything about knock your socks of sex, or a shared liking for leather and metalwork, for example.

But was does 'romance mean' I figure if there is the slightest chance of some actually coming my way I need to recognise it.. hey it has been a while.

So according to thefreedictionary.com the first definitions are:


1.

a. A love affair.
b. Ardent emotional attachment or involvement between people; love:
c. A strong, sometimes short-lived attachment, fascination, or enthusiasm for something: 

2.

A mysterious or fascinating quality or appeal, as of something adventurous, heroic, or strangely beautiful: "These fine old guns often have a romance clinging to them" (Richard Jeffries). 

3. 

a. A long medieval narrative in prose or verse that tells of the adventures and heroic exploits of chivalric heroes: an Arthurian romance.
b. A long fictitious tale of heroes and extraordinary or mysterious events, usually set in a distant time or place.
c. The class of literature constituted by such tales.

4.
a. An artistic work, such as a novel, story, or film, that deals with sexual love, especially in an idealized form.
b. The class or style of such works.

5. A fictitiously embellished account or explanation: We have been given speculation and romance instead of the facts.

6. Music A lyrical, tender, usually sentimental song or short instrumental piece.

7. Romance The Romance languages.
adj.
Romance Of, relating to, or being any of the languages that developed from Latin, including Italian, French, Portuguese, Romanian, and Spanish.
v. (r-mns) ro·manced, ro·manc·ing, ro·manc·es
v.intr.
1. To invent, write, or tell romances.
2. To think or behave in a romantic manner.
v.tr. Informal
1. To make love to; court or woo.
2. To have a love affair with.

Well that explains it then, ignore the obvious relationship based explanation and any of the following could apply... I will be developing a new obsession, reading a book, listening to some slush or most likely being lied to... I take it back that sounds like a normal day in my life so maybe 'romance is coming my way'. 

Well it had to be mentioned...

You might have noticed romance has been in the air today, two people not much younger than myself tied the knot in a rather lavish ceremony in London today.  I hadn't expected to be bothered about the Royal Wedding, I have no problem with the Royal family but considering how raw I am about the subject of weddings I had planned to ignore it.

As it happened I decided to sit and watch it, after all there in no excuse like a wedding for a good cry, so while I watched William look adoringly at Catherine and whisper how beautiful she looked, I balled my eyes out.  Luckily I was on my own, the other half was at work, probably a good thing it would have been a rather uncomfortable moment explaining why seeing someone else get married a week after my own cancelled wedding  might just be a little bit upsetting.  Having said that Kate looked stunning as did Pippa and the whole red and gold theme was positively radiant, makes you proud to be British.I just wish I could make someone look at me like that - hmm maybe if I loose about 6 stone and have plastic surgery I will have more luck!!

Good luck Will and Kate the future of romance is riding on you making a go of it x x

In a parallel universe

In a parallel universe where things actually turn out how you plan today would have been my wedding day.  As days go it would have been quite nice, a mild sunny morning a thunderstorm that lasted just long enough for the church service to take place and a warm, dry afternoon with a cool breeze.  I figure it has been pretty much how I imagined it, well without the white dress, church, guests, reception and I do bits.

Tomorrow it will be another day, the wedding that never was will be the past and I will move on.  Saying that, there is no denying the impact someone no longer wanting to marry you has on your life; it leaves a mark on your soul and a dent in your heart.  Realising the life you though you had wasn't real, that things you thought you shared were only in your mind takes some getting your head around, but you manage, you find new things to believe in; yourself and your ability to be who you want without relying on anyone else.

A 30th First - My First Pop Star Crush

I know it is unbelievable but I have never actually had a crush on a famous person before.  Sure I think some are better looking than others and I told my other half that I fancy Will Smith (you know those early conversations about the people on your 'list' well as I don't do crushes I had to add someone), but other than admiring his physique and acting talent I can't really say I fantasise about him.  I just figured that the fact someone was famous was enough to prevent me having adolescent fantasies about dating, kissing and being madly in love with a pop star or actor.  I mean how completely deluded do you have to be to think that someone like that would ever give you the time of day, and anyway I figured that any famous man would probably have an ego to match his paycheck

However at the grand old age of 30 I have popped the fantasy cherry and have developed a mega crush on Pat Monahan from Train.  Now to be fair there is a passing resemblance between Pat and my boyfriend which may have something to do with my new found fascination.  But I think I finally get what the crush thing is all about, I can imagine that Pat is the great guy he acts out in his videos (that's not to say he is horrible in real life) the sort of perfect boyfriend who sings love songs, wants to marry me, thinks I am great, and as he happens to looks a bit like my other half I can also pretend that they are one and the same ... and well you can see where this is leading. 

I think there is something to be said for fantasies, they make you feel good, for a few moments you can forget that you are fat, fed up and frustrated and believe instead that you are the perfect woman to go with your dream man.  And in fantasies you get exactly what you want, how you want it without any recrimination. I would like to say that my fantasies were downright dirty but to be honest I am a romantic at heart and its more a meeting of minds coupled with his obvious burning desire for me that keeps me up from the land of Nod.

I think you are probably more open to fantasies when real life lets you down, when you believed in something and it didn't turn out how you planned.  I think if real love starts to feel like a fantasy then you might as well believe in fairies and middle aged rockers.

I wonder if I would be having fantasies about random pop stars if I wasn't still living at my parents (it's a long story starting with a broken ankle and ending, hopefully, with a couple of parent type people vacating my home and returning to theirs in France).  If I was at home would my needs be being met, would I be receiving the love I crave or would I still need to find solace in an imaginary relationship.  I guess only time will tell.

Anyway I am off now I have a date with Pat after all...

Do we ever really grow up?

I had a tantrum yesterday, 30 years old and I threw a magazine at me dad and stormed out of the room.  Well I attempted to storm out of the room, went much quicker than my foot would let me and ended up on the hall floor crying like a petulant child.  It comes to something when you can't have a successful strop any more!

The tantrum was triggered by my dad calling my mum 'stupid woman', this is my dad's favourite insult and he has used it on all of us since we were kids, it isn't like it is a particularly inventive or cruel phrase but something about the way he says it winds me off the clock.  My mum wasn't even bothered and would have ignored him and carried on as if he hadn't said it.  But me, being the emotionally unstable human that I am, I had to go and over react.

It was an entirely childish reaction, and unfortunately one I just can't seem to grow out of, if someone upsets me, says something mean or hurts my feelings, I just snap.  One minute I can be having a perfectly civilised conversation,  the next I am slamming a door as I leave the room in tears.  I admit I do this a lot less than when I was a child but far too often for a grown woman.

I think I am more prone to this kind of reaction when I am with my parents, and lets face it I have spent the last 3 months living with them; it seems that something about that relationship you have with them never changes, no matter how old you are when you are, with them you still feel like a child.

The whole incident is now just something to recall and laugh at and no harm has been done, except maybe to the readers digest which took a beating against my dad's shoe when I threw it, we will carry on as normal until the day I inevitably do it again, next time though I will hopefully make it further than the hall floor.

Mug or Meanie - Getting it right in relationships

I have had another nice day with my other half, on days like today you wonder why you ever fall out, all those disagreements fall away and you start feeling like it is all worth it.  So I got thinking about relationships again - be aware more babble ahead...

I sometimes think that the secret to a good relationship is compromise.  But it is how much to give in, how much you let them take that seems to be the sticking point.

I have friends who are much further down the relationship journey than I am, they are married and have children, and they are unhappy.  They complain about their other halves constantly;  he never listens to me; he only wants to talk when he know's I am watching TV; we never have a conversation; he is so tight, he goes out with his friends all the time, he cares more about football than me ... the list is endless and all too familiar for most women.

The thing is  I only ever hear one side of these situations, I don't know what the husbands and partners have to say in their defence.  However, I am willing to break the laws of sisterhood (while covering my head with my arms and crouching behind the sofa for fear of being attacked by burning bras and the broken chains of female oppression) and will openly admit that sometimes, and I certainly don't mean all the time; when I gripe about my relationship, I can be petty, I do overreact and I am probably occasionally ever so slightly unfair. 

I can hear the voices of women in my head saying: Don't accept his behaviour, grow a backbone, fight back, don't be a mug.  But I am tuning them out as I consider whether we should pick our battles.  Afterall why do we let little things annoy us, causing us to constantly gripe and nag at him.  All it serves to do is make him think we are unreasonable, and when something more than a mere irritation comes along, something we need to discuss and resolve, the impact of our telling them is diluted.  I suppose it is like being the little girl that cried monster when she didn't want to go to bed; we complain when we don't get our own way over the small things, so when something really scary threatens our relationship, they no longer listen to us.

So where do you draw the line between Mug or Meanie? Can you find an acceptable level where you can let the little irritations go (not just stock them up for the next big argument)? Or are there times when you know he is more likely to wind you up, when it might be better to keep out of his way and avoid having conversations about trigger topics ? 

Every relationship is different as is each person in it, I suppose we all have to find our own way of staying 'in' love with the significant other in our lives, and I think sometimes we need to remember that it isn't all their fault, we can make compromises without being a doormat. 

Any men out there, I know you say you don't gossip, but maybe this might also be something you too could consider.  When she isn't always looking her best, if she snaps at you for no reason, when she uses your razer without asking, or she slags off your mum, or begs you to watch something girly on TV is it really necessary to complain about it or hold it against them in the future?  Could you let it go for the sake of continued happiness, could you accept that you don't always have to be right. It won't make you less of a man, I promise, and you might even find you enjoy life together just a bit more.

Happy Day

I have had a lovely day!  I say that so rarely I felt it deserved a post all of it's own.  I spent the day with my other half, and it was really nice.  We didn't argue, we talked, we had coffee and browsed shops, it felt like the old days when we were younger and more in love.  Despite my happy mood, I do feel rather philosophical  so prepare for a babble.

Being 'in' love is an interesting concept, all too often it seems we confuse that early passion, the unfamiliarity of a new'ish' relationship with being 'in' love.  It is easy to feel all gooey eyed and in adoration of your other half when there annoying habits are just cute character traits, when you don't have a mortgage, when you still go out every time you see each other, assuming you don't spend  the entire day together in bed!

It is still pretty simple to be 'in' love when you make those first commitment steps; like moving in together with all the cute coupley shopping trips for furnishings and kitchen utensils. You are still sharing smug glances when you invite your equally coupled up friends around to your new pad.  And the proceed to test drive every room in the house once they have gone.

You still feel 'in' love when you get to the comfortable stage.  All those cosy nights in with a movie and a bottle of wine; summer days in the garden and package holidays to cheap and cheery sunny spots abroad.  You still smile and laugh when you share a private joke or remember something from your early days.

But 6/7 years on; the cute characteristic's become irritating habits, the cosy nights are boring, the holiday's stop happening as money gets tighter.  Houses need repairs, washing machines break down and bills have to be paid.  You start wanting different things, you miss the care free days of your youth  and you start wishing you had more time for yourself. 

Then the passion that had gradually ebbed over the years becomes but a mere flutter you feel after one too many drinks.  The bedroom activity is less Olympian and more sack race, once you have mastered the movement you just go until it's done, there is no room for manouevre in the sack. 

If I paint a picture of a bad relationship, I don't mean to.  It isn't that you no longer love each other but you wonder if you are actually 'in' love.

The worst time for this to happen is when you are considering a major change in your circumstances:  A wedding for example, or maybe having a child, it could even be moving house. Whatever it is,  anything that makes you question your future, only serves to heighten what is seemingly missing from your relationship.

I wonder if every couple reaches this stage, and if they do, is it possible to recover?
Are long term relationships, the until the day I die type, full of people who have given up on being 'in' love?  Or can you come out of the other end, find that spark that was ignited when you met, and with a shielding hand can you carry it with you, lighting fires as you go to keep the relationship hot, or at least pretty warm?